The Paradoxes of Leadership: Embracing the Contradictions

This is number one on the list because it seems to be a sign of commitment to the coaching process. I have noticed that clients who are on time and don’t miss appointments or calls tend to get the most out of the coaching process.
TIPS:

• When you sign up for coaching, decide that you will be on time for all coaching sessions. Make the commitment to yourself and your coach.
• Schedule a free space of 10 to 15 minutes before each coaching session to allow for timing issues.
• Schedule each call/appointment for a time of day when you’re least likely to be late or have the most control over your own time.
• Put a 15-minute task in your calendar 24 hours beforehand so you can prepare for the call in advance.

This seems obvious at first glance, but sometimes things are going on in our lives that can get in our way.

Here is a short checklist to help you double-check that now is a good time to start.

• I am not working with any other coach
• I am mentally healthy
• I want to take on this coaching.
• The outcome I want from this coaching experience is important to me.
• I want to make changes/improvements
• I have the mental and physical energy to work on my goals
• I have the ability/authority/scope to be able to make decisions and take action on the topics I would like to be coached in.
• I can afford the coaching and feel good about me/my company spending the money on my development.

Much of the coaching work takes place between coaching sessions. So, mental space needs to be made for this work to happen. This also needs actual time in the agenda.

Tips to help make this happen:

• Review all the things that you are feeling guilty about, things you haven’t done, but should have (dentist, change the tires on the car for winter or summer, doing the taxes, paying bills, etc.), and remove as many as you can before the coaching. This can help create mental space.
• Be ready to make time in your week for any possible work you want to do between coaching sessions.

Certain clients come to coaching with excellent intentions. They quickly identify what they want to work on and even come up with ideas to move forward. Somehow, however, no progress is made between coaching sessions. The client wants to talk about the issue with the coach, but is not yet ready, to take action. Talking (and being listened to) can be very beneficial so this can be worth a lot to clients. However, it is good to be as clear as possible in your head – am I ready to move to actions or is my intention more to explore possibilities?Tips:

• Be clear with yourself
• Be clear with your coach. Sometimes, this clarity is established as you work with the coach – and that is ok, as long as you both discuss it.
• Two great questions to ask are:

  (1)On a scale of 1-10, how ready am I to take action? (1= No way I am going to take this action, 10 = I am going to start right away, and I can see how to do it)
  (2)What is one thing I could do to help me move closer to a 10?

Working with a coach requires trust on both sides. Hopefully, your coach will keep his or her word. If they don’t, you quickly lose trust, and you need to find another coach! Part of a coach’s role is to help you be accountable regarding what you decide to do, and together you can work on a process that will have the best results for you. This can be a valuable area to work on with your coach. Many of us are good at keeping our word at work but do less well in other domains.
Some questions to ask yourself are:(1)How well do I keep my word at work?
(2)How well do I keep my word with family and friends?
(3)How well do I keep my word to myself?
(4)What area would help me most to improve
(5)How could I use a coach to support this improvement?

In all my coaching experience, I have only had one client who I feel was not intentionally truthful regularly. I should have fired that client, but instead, I succumbed to the idea that I could help them (rescuer syndrome). It was not a successful coaching experience.

For the rest of us, who are not manipulators, it can be hard to be truthful when the coaching conversation starts entering very sensitive areas. You know this is about to happen when you start to feel uncomfortable and think in your head: “Oh no – I don’t want to go there!” That’s ok! Just tell your coach: “This is an area I don’t want to explore.”

There are boundaries to coaching conversations, and you as a client have a right to establish those! Of course, a lot can be learned from boundaries. They can be rich areas to explore how they help or inhibit you, but how you and your coach deal with the boundaries is up to you.
Questions for you:(1)What boundaries would I like to set for this conversation?
(2)How will that setting that boundary help or hinder me and the coaching process?
(3)How will I tell the coach when we hit a boundary in our conversations?

This is crucial. Be upfront with your coach about how this will happen. The coaching process is there to serve you, and if it isn’t working as well as you had hoped, you need to discuss that with the coach. Most coaches will ask you questions about this during your coaching sessions so speak up!

If you are worried about how you will do this (giving feedback is not always comfortable even when you are invited to), discuss the topic with your coach when you hire them.

One of my biggest errors as a coach was to give a client very direct and non-judgmental feedback that I thought they were ready to hear and… they were not. Feedback is a critical part of coaching, so this is a great topic to discuss with your coach.
Here are some tips on how to be ready for this important part of coaching:
(1)Remember that feedback is always a gift and it is always up to you whether you use it or not.
(2)Discuss with your coach how they might deliver that feedback in a way that will help you be receptive to it.
(3)Remind yourself of how to accept difficult feedback:
a.Take a deep breath
b.Remind yourself that the person giving you this feedback has your very best interests at heart.
c.Listen actively
d.Ask clarifying questions, do not offer excuses
e.Say thank you
f.Take it away and decide if/how you will use it to help you.

Seeing things from different perspectives is where clients often make the biggest discoveries and breakthroughs. And it can be a lot of fun to explore these different perspectives! It does not mean your current perspective is wrong. It simply means that for every situation there are many perspectives and that by changing perspectives for a moment, we can often find new solutions.

Some perspectives are easier to accept than others, and a willingness to explore these different views can help you get the most out of your coaching experience.

How ready are you stretch yourself and look at things from a different point of view?